Twisted Mirror – It’s not courage. It’s capitalism.
They called me inspiring.
Because I showed up to work the day after my breakdown.
They said I had grit.
Because I hit every deadline while disassociating in the breakroom.
They praised my resilience.
Because I smiled through the panic attacks and still made payroll.
But let me tell you something:
I wasn’t strong.
I was scared.
I wasn’t resilient.
I was responsible.
And I wasn’t okay.
I was performing okayness because collapse doesn’t pay the bills.
Let’s be clear:
There is no trophy for surviving under pressure that never should’ve existed.
No prize for replying to emails from the ER.
No honor in wiping your tears before logging onto Zoom.
They didn’t give me grace.
They gave me overtime.
This is what they call high-functioning:
- Crying during your commute but fixing your eyeliner in the parking lot.
- Skipping meds because side effects cost productivity.
- Passing out in the shower, then clocking in on time.
This is not resilience.
It’s capitalism in a trauma mask.
You want to hear the real diagnosis?
Here it is:
“Patient presents as emotionally regulated, highly productive, and internally decaying at a socially acceptable pace.”
But keep calling it strength if it makes you feel better.
Call me dedicated.
Call me disciplined.
Call me admirable.
Just don’t call it what it really is:
Survival under threat.
Because the second I stop moving,
the second I ask for rest,
the second I stop pretending—
I’m replaceable.
You know what they call people who stop being high-functioning?
Unemployed.
Evicted.
Crazy.
Dead.
So yeah. I’m “resilient.”
But don’t clap for me.
Ask why I had to be.
🔥 Twisted enough for you?
The system loves a clean desk and a silent scream.
That’s why they call it functioning.
Even when the function is killing you.
