—And I’m not issuing refunds for the old version.
They always say it like I committed identity fraud.
Like I’m supposed to apologize for becoming someone they can’t emotionally manipulate anymore.
“You’ve changed.”
Yeah.
You should try it sometime.
I stopped being the unpaid crisis counselor for people who only texted when Mercury was in retrograde or their ex got engaged.
I stopped playing Emotional Twister just to make your dysfunction feel like family game night.
I used to bend over backwards.
Now I stand up straight—with posture so bold it screams,
“Therapy works, b*tch.”
“You’ve changed,” they whine.
Like it’s not the literal goal of healing.
Did you want me to stay broken just because you preferred me that way?
I started asking things like:
- “Why does peace feel like rebellion around you?”
- “Why do I feel lonelier in your presence than in actual solitude?”
- “Why the f*ck was I ever trying so hard to impress someone who uses the word ‘crazy’ like punctuation?”
And suddenly I’m the villain.
Because they don’t miss me—
They miss the version that didn’t know any better.
The version who over-explained.
Who apologized for crying.
Who confused silence with safety and chaos with chemistry.
“You’ve changed.”
Yup.
I upgraded.
Now I’ve got boundaries with encryption.
Access requires clearance, consent, and a spirit check.
I archive people like expired software—
Nice knowing you. But you crashed too many times.
Meanwhile, they’re still in the group chat talking about a ghost version of me like I owe them an exorcism.
Let me be very clear:
Change isn’t betrayal.
Staying palatable for people who fed off my pain?
That would’ve been.
So yeah.
I changed.
Thank God.
And I hope I never go back.
Not even for a visit.
‘You’ve Changed’ — Thank God
They said, “You’re different,” like it’s wrong.
But I outgrew their drama song.
I swapped fake laughs for deeper truths,
And found my peace in slippered roots.
Change? I wear it like cologne.
Transformation’s mine alone.
So sniff the growth or step aside—
This Phoenix doesn’t backslide.
—The Funny Phoenix, evolving louder than your judgment
