The holy trinity of inner peace. Comes with a goat sticker.
This isn’t a meltdown.
It’s a sacred ritual.
An emotional decluttering with glitter, gall, and zero guilt.
Let us begin.
Step 1: BLOCKED.
Because you don’t get to live rent-free in my notifications
while I’m over here trying to budget for therapy.
You text like you forgot how much damage you did.
I block like I remembered exactly how much.
This is spiritual spam control.
Your access has been revoked.
Your contact info now lives in the same folder as expired coupons and used-to-be’s.
Step 2: UNFRIENDED.
Let’s be honest—
we weren’t friends.
You were an unpaid emotional intern with narcissistic tendencies
and a meme addiction.
Your comments always had that “bless your heart” energy.
Your vibes smelled like manipulation and essential oils.
And your birthday posts felt like surveillance.
So I clicked unfriend like it was CPR for my nervous system.
Step 3: UNF*CKED.
Not just body.
Mind. Soul. Wi-Fi signal.
I exorcised you from my group chat,
my playlists,
and the metaphorical futon of my psyche where you used to crash without asking.
I unstuck myself from your timeline.
I spiritually un-tagged our entire history.
I pulled your ghost out of my guts like emotional dental floss.
And when people say,
“Wasn’t that a little extreme?”
I say,
“Not nearly enough.”
This isn’t vengeance.
It’s emotional feng shui.
I don’t decorate with red flags anymore.
I don’t host pity parties for energy vampires.
And I definitely don’t hand out second chances
to people who threw the first slap and called it love.
So yeah—BLOCKED.
UNFRIENDED.
UNF*CKED.
With a smile, a goat emoji,
and a peace offering to myself.
I’m not healed.
I’m not holy.
But I am no longer haunted.
And that?
That’s not petty.
That’s progress with boundaries and a built-in punchline.
The exorcism is over.
The system has been debugged.
And baby…
You’re not just deleted.
You’re archived.
BLOCKED, UNFRIENDED, UNF*CKED
Click. Delete. Emotional cleanse.
A breakup trilogy with no loose ends.
They begged for chaos—I went mute.
Then blocked their soul with zero dispute.
Now my peace logs in on time,
And petty’s just a past-life crime.
No karma needed, just good tech—
One swipe, no calls, no verbal wreck.
—The Funny Phoenix, password-protected and gloriously gone
