💥 27. THE LIES I CALLED COPING SKILLS

💥 27. THE LIES I CALLED COPING SKILLS

Dissecting the myth of productivity, busy-ness, and being ‘fine.’

I never missed a deadline.
I smiled at the right times.
I was always early. Always helpful. Always “strong.”

But what no one saw was—

I wasn’t coping.
I was hiding.

They said I was doing great.
Said I was “resilient.”
A “go-getter.”
A “badass.”

But my hyper-productivity wasn’t confidence.
It was panic, dressed in achievement.

My calendar was full.
So I didn’t have to feel.
My checklist was long.
So I didn’t have to ask if I was okay.

I didn’t sit still—because the silence was too loud.
Didn’t slow down—because I was afraid of what I’d hear in my own mind.
Didn’t stop achieving—because I thought my value lived in usefulness.

And no one questioned it.
Because we don’t question pain that looks like success.

I called it “managing.”
But really?
I was sprinting from grief.
From rage.
From the crushing fear that if I stopped being impressive,
I’d just be me.
And maybe that wouldn’t be enough.

Eventually, I hit a wall.
Not a dramatic crash.
Just a quiet moment when my body whispered:

“You can’t outrun this forever.”

So I slowed down.
Stopped performing.
Started feeling.
And it hurt like hell.

But it was real.
And it was mine.

🧠 Emotional Takeaway:

Coping isn’t always about staying alive.
Sometimes it’s about staying hidden.

But if your “strength” is keeping you from healing,
it’s not strength.
It’s a shield.
And you deserve more than survival in disguise.

🪞 Reflection Box:

I thought my coping skills were helping me heal.
But they were helping me avoid.

Avoid connection.
Avoid truth.
Avoid myself.

Now I’m learning that
being “fine” is overrated.
And being real is revolutionary.

🎤 I called it work. I called it drive—
But really, it was just survive.
They praised my grit, my smile, my spark—
But never asked about the dark.

Now I don’t hustle just to numb—
Or fake okay when pain will come.
I ditched the lies, let stillness grow—
And in that quiet… I finally know.