19. “My Psychiatrist Googled My Meds During Our First Appointment.”

Reader Report – I was billed for 50 minutes. Got 12.

He didn’t even fake it.

Didn’t nod thoughtfully.
Didn’t pretend to have reviewed my chart.
Just tapped away at his keyboard
while I sat there clutching a plastic clipboard
and my last shred of hope.

He said, “Remind me what you’ve tried already?”
I said, “Lexapro. Effexor. Trazodone. Wellbutrin. Cymbalta.”

He typed:
“What meds are good for severe anxiety and trauma?”

He read from a blog post.
Something about SSRIs.
Suggested I drink more water
and avoid caffeine.

I had a trauma history so long
it could’ve been bound in leather.
He skimmed it like a Buzzfeed list.

The room was beige.
So was his attention span.

He asked if I was suicidal.
I said, “Depends on the day.”

He laughed.

I didn’t.

He said he could “tweak a few things.”
Didn’t say what.
Wrote a prescription.

Didn’t say goodbye.
I checked my watch.
Twelve minutes.

Two weeks later,
I got the bill: $220.
“Diagnostic Evaluation with Medical Services – 50 min”

I wish I could bill him for the trust I lost.
Or charge him interest
on the days I didn’t get better
because he was too busy Googling my life.


Mental health care is a luxury
disguised as a lifeline.

And I paid for both
that day.

The Bills Are as Real as these Stories.

These lambs don’t have a voice—but I do. If you see yourself in the silence, the obedience, or the slow awakening… drop something in the jar. This story isn’t just metaphor. It’s memory. It’s mine. Tips help amplify it. I write because they couldn’t. I speak because I finally can. Your support helps me keep holding the mic—and holding space—for the ones still finding their way out of the fog.

If you’ve ever survived something no one saw—you’re seen now. Say it. Not here to fix it. Just to witness it. Write what hurt.

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If this place sparked something in you—or just made you feel a little less alone while mentally spiraling—drop a tip in the flame fund. I built this place while burning out. Now it runs on caffeine, survival grit, and scrolls of half-sane truth.